I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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