i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
