It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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