awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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