Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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