How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
