I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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