he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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