Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
