Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
