people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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