Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
