So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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