i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
