my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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