ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
