yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
