This is not my ceiling
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
