She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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