okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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