I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
