Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Found your dick twin last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
