For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
