oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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