Your face is a jimmy john
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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