I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
