the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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