Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
