You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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