there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
