Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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