i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
