tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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