I can tuck mytits in my pants
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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