in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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