I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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