I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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