a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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