nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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