this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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