By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
