Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
