I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
