I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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