nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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