dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
