I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
