dude i'm inner monologue high
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
