the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
