I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
