If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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