I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
