So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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