last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dick very happy bro
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
