Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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