Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
