I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
